Wednesday, August 3, 2011

But...But...You're SO Young!

If there is one thing I hate, it's when people judge me based on being young and married. I get very sensitive about this subject and it seems to come up quite often. Maybe it's because I am in NYC, and around here it is sort of odd to get married in your early 20's, maybe people are just dumb. But voicing your objection and opinion on my life choices is not only rude and inconsiderate, it's annoying. What sparks this you ask? This morning and my wonderfully awkward train ride to work...
I was minding my own business like every morning, reading my book and I noticed that the woman sitting to my left kept looking at me. She would look at my face, then down to my left hand, and back up to my face again. Now in normal circumstances, I don't start conversations on the train. I like my 40 minutes of peace and quiet in the morning, my "Me" time if you would. But, when you are sitting shoulder to shoulder with someone and their eyes are glued to your face, it's a bit hard to concentrate on reading. I looked over to her and asked her if I could help her with something. She gasped and said "I am so sorry, and I'm not judging you, but are your really married?" The only thing I could say was "Um, excuse me, what?" so she said again But, you're so young! I see the rings on your hand but you just look SO young to be married" Calmly I asked her how young she thought I was and she said 15! When I told her that I was almost 25 she didn't believe me.
Ok,I know I look young. I'm 5'1", skinny, and I get carded to buy tickets to rated R movies, but 15?? This is what I look like today.....
(sorry for the crappy quality, on the phone in my office)
 The rest of the train ride was spent listening to her talk about how she just couldn't believe how young I was and how shocked she was that I was married. She told me to wait on having children because 23 was too young to get married and 25 is way too young to have babies. According to her, I am still a baby myself. Gee, thanks lady!
This wasn't the first time someone has asked how old I was and were shocked when they realized that I was married. I don't get it, even if I was 15 and getting married, it is none of your business! How does my being 24 and married have any impact on your life what-so- ever? I'm not 15, pregnant with my 2nd child, and living in a trailer and married to my 2nd baby-daddy(I know, I know so UN-PC of me, but I'm painting a picture here)! I am 24, have an amazing career, my life together, and most important, a loving husband. I AM young, I know this. I also know that a lot of people my age aren't mature enough for this type of commitment nor do they WANT this type of commitment at this age. But I also know plenty of men and women who are in their 30's who aren't ready or mature enough either.
 Now, I am not saying that I'm the most mature girl in the world, but I did know that when I met Nick, I had something very special and uncommon. I WAS ready and I did WANT to get married. Before Nick, it was hard for me to let anyone into ''my-space" (no not the website)and I didn't let anyone get close to me. I would find the littlest fault in any date I had and quickly end it. I had a 3 year relationship before Nick, but it was long-distance so I didn't have to constantly be around my boyfriend at that time. It was safe. But when I met Nick, I knew I couldn't push him away. I had found someone who accepted me and all of my faults, quirks, fears, etc and loved me despite all of that. I wasn't about to let that go even if I was "young".
While I don't have many friends here on the East Coast who are married, I do have plenty of friends back in MI that are- some even with babies! To me, it's not uncommon to be married in your early 20's. Both of my older sisters got married in their early 20's and so did my mom. Maybe it is a regional thing. I do notice many more women here who are single until their early to mid-thirties and there is nothing wrong with that. But, I don't judge them for taking longer to find someone to spend their life with, so don't judge me because I did it a little quicker. Age is just a number and sometimes people forget that.


  1. I don't get it as much, but I have had people say that they thought I was 19 and couldn't believe I was married. Um no, I'm 25... And I haven't been told I looked like I was 19 since I was about 14 lol. I was an early bloomer ;)

    But you're right, it's probably a regional thing. When Jack and I got married I was 21 and he was 26.

    I don't regret it one bit, and I knew when I was 19 that I was going to marry Jack and if the timing had been right I would have done it then :)

    This post cracked me up... I can just PICTURE you turning to the woman next to you! Sorry people are so stupid. And why would you LIE about your age!?? You are blessed to look younger and any women would be lying to say they aren't going to be jealous of your youthful face the rest of their life ;)

  2. Thanks Allison! It's so annoying when people think they know better than you because they are older! Age =/= maturity! Just wait until you start getting your unsolicited advice about being pregnant. Speaking of which, I know I told you before, but I'll say it again, I am so excited for you!

  3. Preach it girl! Well said. I'm 29, married with 4 kiddos...and proud of it. We should make t-shirts. :)

  4. It's the same with me, except it's my job. "Are you old enough to be sitting here prescribing medication?" Hell yes I am, I'm just a freaking genius. (is what I would like to say)

  5. @ Tiffany, I'm just waiting until the day I get pregnant. I have already told Nick that I want to walk around in a hoodie and a backpack, with no makeup on and see what kind of comments I get then.

    @ Beth- you are a genius ;)

  6. I know this is kinda an old post for you....but I'm just now.dealing with the same craziness here in the Midwest! Mostly cause I am one of those girls with a baby already...but I feel a lot more mature than the rude people who judge others like that....just gets worse being pregnant and even worse than that when you have the baby lol